I just read (and edited and re-posted) my "True Love" blog post from about a year and a half ago and I realized that I should probably clarify the difference between love and trust.
Like love, trust is a choice, but it is a choice that we are to make wisely. The Bible's greatest commandment says "love thy neighbor as thy self", note how it does not say anywhere, (that I can find), trust your neighbor as yourself, or your husband, or daughter, or mom, or dad, etc.
We, as christians, are commanded to love unconditionally all who we come in contact with. (that does not mean fall in love with them. there is a difference.) We are also commanded to forgive all the time. If we are supposed to love unconditionally and forgive always, then are we supposed to trust unconditionally? Not necessarily.
When someone consistently lies, you don't have faith in them to tell the truth. Right?
So when someone hurts you, like for instance, someone you have known for several years that you have been best friends with for a long time, starts being rude to you, ignoring you and spreading rumors about you. Do you still love the person? yes. Do you forgive them? absolutely. But do you trust them to not say something rude to or about you the next time you see them? no. probably not. So you don't always share everything with them. (Yes, talk to your friend and reconcile the relationship. damage has been done and it needs to be fixed!)
(side note: verbal and emotional abuse is just like physical abuse, except in some ways it's worse. Because the victims of verbal and emotional abuse don't always have physical bruises to show it, they have to deal with it on their own. Physical abuse, shows up on them and they can be removed from the abuser. Whereas verbal abuse can repeat in their head for the rest of their life and continue to damage them without anyone ever knowing about the abuse.)
You can love a person without trusting them. You don't trust your five year old with the glass dishes. He/she hasn't proven yet that he/she is strong enough, responsible enough, or careful enough to handle it without breaking it, (or maybe he/she has already proven that they cannot handle it because they broke some of the dishes already) but you love that kid so much already. They are worth more than those glass dishes to you and you can forgive them when they break the glass dishes, but you don't give the glass dishes back to them until they are older, stronger, more careful, and responsible.
The same goes for any relationship, at any level, anywhere from acquaintance to husband!
Your heart is that glass plate. When you trust someone, you are depending on them to not drop that glass plate. When they drop the glass plate and it shatters on the ground, you don't always hand them another plate. You love them and forgive them, but usually you don't trust them with your heart again, until they have proven they are mature enough to handle it.
However, you have to make sure that when you are not trusting them with whatever part of your heart, that you are not shutting God out, and you are not hardening your heart against the plate breaker! This is not a punishment for them. It is protection for you, and an opportunity for the Lord to heal you both if you allow it! If you don't allow that, then it becomes the most fertile ground for Satan to grow bitterness in the both of you, and that would ultimately destroy you both.
So, do we always hand back the plate? no. not always. But we never hold back out of hate, or unforgiveness. We hold back because we are waiting, in patient love, for our friend to grow up a little older than the 5 year old that isn't quite strong enough to be trusted with the good dishes, (metaphorically speaking). That way we protect both us and them, and allow the Lord to work in both of our hearts.
Once they do prove themselves to be capable of handling the glass without dropping it, then we happily, and proudly hand them back the "plate", at first it's a salad plate, then it's the dinner plate, and then, if they have not dropped it so far, the good china.
No we don't always trust unconditionally. But we do always love unconditionally, waiting and praying for the Lord to work in those we love.
Loving unconditionally: is giving of yourself, and choosing to accept the other person for all of who they are, have been, and will be.
Trusting unconditionally: is allowing another person to love you unconditionally, receiving what they give of themselves freely (be it judgement or love), and allowing them to see all of who you are, have been, and will be.
May the Lord help you forgive unconditionally, and love unconditionally. May He keep your heart soft in His hands and guard it from the wiles of Satan's lies. May He teach you and your loved ones more about Him and who He is daily. May He show you how to love, and how to be loved. May He guide you in your life and protect you from harm, and lead you through the hurt, with comfort as He has me. Lord I ask that you would cover these people with your armor. Put on their feet the shoes of peace, on their shoulders the breast plate of righteousness, on their head the helmet of salvation, gird them with the belt of truth. Help them take up the sword of the spirit, the shield of faith and the spear of prayer. Keep them from hatred and bitterness. Grow them closer to You Lord. Teach them to love unconditionally and wait patiently for You to move, and teach, and work in their hearts and the hearts of their loved ones.Bless them all with You Lord, and Your love and joy and peace!
In Your name, Amen!
No comments:
Post a Comment