Have you ever just wanted to give up hope? To quit. become a crazy cat lady who lives off in the middle of nowhere so no one can judge you. To not have any responsibilities except to feed your cats and cry. or to just plain quit everything.
I have reached that point.
I want to quit college. I want to quit teaching. I want to quit caring what everyone thinks. to quit giving my all and getting nothing back. To quit loving unconditionally and still being alone. to quit wishing that somebody would find me worth their time that they would look past the surface and see who I am and find me worth it. to quit this endless cycle of motions: get up, go to school, teach, be exhausted and repeat. to quit seeking for whatever purpose my life might have a not finding it. just to quit life.
I've reached this point in my life for I don't know the how many-ith time. It seems this feeling returns relentlessly and I'd be lying to say I haven't tried to quit life altogether before. And I have to say, that experience is one of the reasons why I can't quit. why you shouldn't quit.
Here I am again with the desire to quit screaming inside of me.
I feel like there is a never-ending tunnel. pressing in on me. getting longer, smaller, and darker with every step. And it feels like the only way to make it stop would be to quit.
But no. quitting is not the answer.
Two years ago I did a research paper on suicide and PTSD, and the studies showed that the reason people quit, was to make it stop. But the survivors will tell you, it didn't work. We are coming up on the time of year where suicide rates skyrocket. There's pressure from every direction to be. perfect.
But quitting is NOT the answer.
There are people who love you. Think of the most important person in your life. They would be devastated. talk to them: quitting is not the answer.
quitting doesn't make it better. Trust me. I know. Trying to quit. . . it's pointless.
I know that you want it all to stop. I do too. I know that if you take a day, your boss is going to kill you. But you can't make a difference when your depressed and you certainly can't when you're dead.
Also for those of you out there who feel like your life has no point! I understand. I get it. 100%
But. I PROMISE you. That you HAVE made a difference in someone's life.
Think about your siblings. Your nieces and nephews, your grandkids. If you have students, think about them. your parents. That person on the street who you gave your lunch to, that person behind you in line whos lunch you paid for. That person you shared your testimony with. your children! your friends. your co-workers. That stressed mom in the store who you smiled at assuringly to let her know that it's okay. you don't need to have everything perfect. the list goes on and on. YOU. MAKE a DIFFERENCE. EVERY. DAY.
Quitting. is NOT the answer.
I know things are stressful and super crazy. and I know that in order to make a living you have to be addicted to coffee and without sleep. But I promise you that if you don't give in and you tell someone. it WILL get better.
I know that telling someone is scary. and I'm certain that after I post this there will be some friends who shun me because I'm not perfect, but I also know that there will be friends who will ask me if I'm okay. The same goes for you. There may be people who shun you. But you don't need poisonous people in your life. Let them go and hold on to the people who will gather around you and walk through this tunnel hand in hand.
My friend. Quitting is not the answer.
This will pass. I promise. and the tunnel gets shorter as your chain of people grows.
So stop trying to walk the tunnel by yourself. Grab a hand and keep walking.
So. Even though you feel like quitting. I hope that you will discover that your life. DOES matter. and that will never change.
I hope that you find peace in God and in His solace. and I hope that you find strength in numbers.
But most of all, I hope you finish this race and finish it strong, that you don't give up, but keep pressing on.
Take it from someone who knows: quitting is not the answer.
